Hi my name is Russell a white 20 year old male. What am about to write is a true story about me finding out that I have HIV (Some events have been left out and some names changed), and the truth of what am going though now and back when I found out…
So lets travel back a two weeks ago, I woke up like every other day, the date Sunday the 31st of Aug 2008, it’s the day that will go down in history for being the start of the worst week in my life, but at the same time a new scary beginning. A beginning that I had of read about when I was 16 years old, A STI that around 1100 people in Western Australia live with every day, that we know of. This is how I became that 1101 person.
Here I am getting up out of bed and getting ready for my day the sun was shining the cats where trying to get outside like they do every morning, the time was around 9am. Today was abit different and for me it felt different maybe cos I knew i was about to get tested for HIV, and all the other STI’s who knew all I knew is I had this wierd feeling that something was not right. My closes mate at the time Smith said “I am sure it will be ok.” Just the day before. Smith and I where great close friends some thought that we where an item but we weren’t. Smith and I went back just a few months but for some reason unknown to us we felt like we knew each other for a life time.
I headed out to go to RPH (Royal Perth Hospital) arund 10am I had my appointment at 11am, To get to the city I have to catch the 421 bus and the Striling Train into the city, all the way I was thinking to myself that all I have to do is turn away and go back home and no one would be the wiser. However I had to do it. I had not had a blood test for close to a year and something in me said that I needed to find out if I had anything. All the way sitting on the bus and train I was trying to take my mind off the feeling that I am about to have a test that could change my life. To take my mind off it I started listening to my iPod and one song kept playing and playing. For some reason all I wanted to do was listen to this one song that reminded me of living in foster care and growing up in over 30 different foster homes, going to 20 plus schools, being belted, raped and neally killed. The song Secrets by Anastacia hearing the kids at the start and end of the song made me feel safe while the words stuck out in my mind like my life in a song. Never being able to be a child always having to think fast on my feet, not worrying what some one would say or do to me as long as they did not do it to my sisters or older brother.
Before long I am there waiting in the waiting room to see the Doctor, he was the doctor that three days from now would ring me up and tell me to come in. He asked me when was the last time I had a HIV test I said around a year or maybe more. He looked at his records and it showed that I have not been tested since late 2006, He said that they will do a full STI test which ment anal, mouth, and cock swaps to test for any other STI’s and a blood test to see if I had HIV.
I went from the doctors office into the nurses room standing beside me a young 20 something year old lady who was about to take my blood, I said to her “I might scream, I hate needles.” She replied “Oh there is nothing to be worried about, ill be soft.” Yeah I heard that from many people in the past from other Doctors to the first guy I had sex with.
Before long it was all over and was told that I should be notifided by Wednesday. The day continues on, heading home all I can think about is that what if the test comes back POZ what will I do then, What will my life be like? Will I crash, will I be able to carry on? Oh and the big question was will I still have the strength to keep working on my own business, or will I give up and get a 9 to 5 job?
Tuesday was not that easy I stayed in bed slept for most of the day, I rang Smith at around 10am and just talked he kept saying it will be ok. Being the friend that he is. But deep down I knew something was going to come up and eat me alive.
Wednesday morning comes, I get a phone call around 9am from the Doctor asking me “Hi Russell I need to see you. Can you come in as soon as possible thanks.” I left for RPH straight way did not know what I was going to be told. At first I was thinking HIV then maybe some other STI I was so confussed I just did not know what to do. I got there around 10:30am and went straight in, it was like they where waiting for me ready to take my soul and toss it out the 4th story. I went into his office and I sat down, then I hear “Russell am sorry to say but the test for HIV is positive.” I frooze for a few seconds and just looked amazed. What felt like a life time of silance was around 30 seconds. I said “I was thinking it might come back that way.” I cant believe that I said that really the first words out of my mouth was I thought it might come back that way. What a dick nob.
We talked for about 30min about the T count and how they have to do more testing. That day was going to be a hard one, for what I thought was going to be a 20 min visit soon turned out to being a full day there from 10:30am till 5pm when I was able to get up and go home. It was like a bad dream getting tossed from department to department, getting 9 tubes of blood out and being told that it is a very very rare thing for them to be wrong about this. Still they tested it and the wait was on till Friday when I would finialy find out if I was the next person in WA for that matter in the World to have HIV.
While waiting for the test I had to get back to work working on organzising the Mr. G competitions (This name has been changed in this story to protect the competition.) I had to organize the Melbourne, and Sydney rounds that where coming up search for the hottest male in Australia. The Melbourne rounds that are coming up in a few weeks was my most concerend about event. I took my worry about my health and placed my worry on my business. I need this to be the hottest competition in Australia, I want to show people that not all guys are alike. We're not the way the media likes to show us.
So I kept going working as hard as I have every worked in my life. I called my mate Smith and told him that I was HIV poz and he just froozed hung up the phone and did not return any of my calls, sadly to this day I have no idea what he is doing or if he is ok.
Friday come so fast went in to the doctors and the Dcotor called me in, sat me down and said “Yeah the test come back poz.” I left there feeling down, sad and all alone, who do I tell, who can I tell, who can I trust?
Sitting down writing this is the hardest thing I have had to do today. Realizing that I have HIV well that has not hit me just yet. I told a true friend of mine just two days ago he went to have sex and unlike normal where he would just have bareback sex, he told me he put on that condom and is now going to get himself and his partner tested. He went on to say He would not be able to be me, in the way that I am staying strong and following my future, there is NO WAY that am going to let this little bug kill me. I want to help inform people young and old that its better to have safe sex and get tested every 3 months, other wise they risk ending up like me HIV POZ!!!